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Proving a point.

Recently, a… friend accused me of googling or copying the following text. This was said after I made mention that I was playing the part of Cyrano DeBergerac to my phone’s part of Cyrano’s mouthpiece, Christian. This is not my best short work, but I thought for a piece only taking me a few minutes it was humorous. You be the judge.

As I told her, this is 100% accept no substitutes original me (c) 2008.

(the following is in response to a text message I received from my friend which read: shoppings beating me…cant…let…it…win)

“You are strong! Let no clerk’s apathy keep you down. Let no friend with lesser conviction keep you from the next great deal. Let your passing, like the conquering queen, be marked by the corpses of empty reciept rolls!”

I hope she will be reading this soon as I challenged her to try to find it online.

:P

Vacation over…

Well I’m home after almost two weeks on the road I’m glad to be home, but I’m also sad to be home too. There was so much to see and do in the 4,750 miles driving across the country. If you would like to see a map of the journey, you can see it here. You can also see some of the photos from the trip in my Flickr.com feed at the bottom of this page or at www.flickr.com/photos/michaelstorm/.

In my most previous post, Wyoming Pit Stop, I mentioned a story about my son Drake, here. I had inadvertently left it password protected when I put it up, but that restriction has been removed. My apologies for any misunderstandings.

Eventually I will write further about my trip, some of the sights I saw, the relatives I was able to reacquaint myself with, and how much of a grand adventure the entire thing was. For now though, I am tired and will probably sleep for a while.

Wyoming pit stop

I am currently sitting at Turtle Rock Coffee, etc., in Laramie, Wyoming trying to wake the hell up. While the countryside in Wyoming is beautiful, it stretches on forever and there is not much to look at. I didn’t have this problem through the plains of Kansas, but perhaps this time it is just fatigue (it also probably did not help that I stopped by the New Belgium Brewing Co. and sampled a few of their beers, not something I would suggest if you have to drive a long distance immediately after). I had also heard a song on the radio and had to send a message to the certain someone it reminded me of.

It has been a blast thus far and I have seen things I never thought I would see. I’ve taken a lot of pictures and they can all be seen on my flickr feed, along with short descriptions of the shots. I might be a little more than halfway to my destination in Oregon and that makes me excited, but at the same time very nervous because it is only Tuesday and I don’t have to be in Washington until Friday. I won’t actually make it to the University of Oregon today, but I will be close. Still, even if I get there on Wednesday, Washington is close enough that I will make it later that day. I don’t know what to do with myself for Thursday and Friday…

I’m planning on attending the Yakama Treaty Signing Days in Washington this weekend with a previous instructor. He is a Yakama tribe member and has graciously welcomed me to intrude on his weekend. I’m truly looking forward to it.

I’ve come to realize that my life is not as private as I once thought it was. I am extremely internet savvy and thought I had insulated myself from the simple google search. After a conversation I had this past weekend with that same certain someone mentioned above I have had to re-evaluate this stance.

On my MySpace profile there are pictures of myself and my son. I think it is time I let that cat completely out of the bag. Anyone who wants can read the story in its entirety here. (Caution it is quite long and somewhat disjointed as I had blocked a lot of what happened out and am still in the process of remembering it all). Posting this was frightening, but I guess no more frightening than driving across the country all alone.

Semester over!

I keep forgetting how much I love Missouri wines. I picked up a bottle of dry red Stone Hill Winery Hermannsberger from a local grocery store and it is a great wine. Not overly powerful on the palette, nor is it an overly mellow wine; it strikes a fine balance between the acidity and residual sugar to produce a very melodious drink.

And it is with this glass of wine I draw the semester to a rather lackluster close. After staying up until 4am Saturday morning finishing up a paper that was due four hours previous, I’m so glad I’m done. And I couldn’t have gotten it done without you, thanks April. You rock.

Over the course of this semester I have managed to make friends then be alienated by them, draw closer to old friends, plan a vacation, get my car hit and subsequently fixed, and somehow keep from failing all my classes.

It completely infuriates me how some people can act like your friend and then be completely oblivious to your very existence. I join a club on campus to meet other people in my field and to possibly do some good. I’m not doing that again. It was completely devoid of real leadership and our goals are nowhere near the same. But they did help get me to a sociology conference and that was an amazing experience.

I talked to an academic adviser about a month ago and found that I would have to take summer classes if I wanted to graduate by May of next year. So I guess I don’t get another extended break from school until summer of 09 when I’m getting ready to head off to graduate school. But I am all but signed paperwork away from getting an internship this fall and I’m extremely excited about it. I’m going to get to work with the Dispute Resolution Center hopefully doing juvenile victim/offender mediation. This will bring up my total credit hours this fall to nineteen! Yay for overloads! I’ll probably just drop one class and pick it up in the spring so I’m not too overloaded on time.

I’m tired.

I really think this vacation will do me some serious good. To be able to get away from everyone and everything I know, to see parts of the country I’ve never seen, and to get out of my own head for a little while are concepts that sound so refreshing to me. I can’t wait.

Over the past several weeks I have gone from a Hillary supporter to an Obama supporter, but beyond charismatic qualities I could not really tell anyone why.

Until I came across this post: Hillary Clinton: The Psycho Ex-Girlfriend of the Democratic Party

Awesome in more ways than I can truly count; it sums up in a laughable way Senator Clinton’s arrogant attitude of self-entitlement and utter lack of ability to read the will of the American people.

http://www.barackobama.com/

I hate cars

I used to love them. I used to dream about having a fast car that could only get me in trouble and cost me a mint in gas. Some cool convertible painted british racing green that could just scream.

But then I got in two accidents in less than a year.

Miraculously neither of them were my fault. The first one, as posted here, cost me my deductible and the ability to trust if anyone ever carried insurance but me. The second one happened tonight and it was by far a totally different experience.

I was taking April home after some conversation, coffee, and spinach dip at Rendezvous downtown. I was in the right hand lane of Republic road driving east and there was a green suv in the left lane. We had just passed Closeup of door crease and hanging mirrorFreemont and I was gaining on him when he just pulled over into my lane. I slammed on the brakes and his bumper caught my driver’s door, creasing it from the back of the door to the wheel well, and nearly taking off my side mirror. Luckily no one was seriously hurt.

As you can see, there is some pretty extensive damage and I can only roll my window down about halfway, but the door still works and shuts most of the way. All I could do was stand there and laugh.

The most entertaining part of the whole thing was the guy who hit me. He was just a nice old man who was sincerely sorry he didn’t pay attention. He was in his 60’s, maybe even his 70’s, and he just retired three months prior from his job with the railroad. The guy hopped out of his suv and started asking if we were alright and how it was his fault. He said this was the first accident he had ever been in. For some reason I believed him.

I want my bicycle back. I took it in to one of the shops downtown to get it tuned up and they said it would be Monday or Tuesday before they got it done. I took it in last Wednesday. Hopefully they call me tomorrow.

I love my bike. It is blue and starting to rust slightly around the fork of the handlebars. Its a Schwinn and I got it for Christmas when I was 12. I’ve had that bike for 17 years and I don’t ever want to get rid of it. Hopefully I will get it back soon and I can leave my car alone for a while.

This has not been a great day.

I was wrong

Obama is right. And I should have supported him from the beginning.

And bravo to him for finally putting it out there. We are bitter and resentful. Now he may not be on the mark 100% for where those emotions get displaced to, but its a good start to being honest with us. Which is a whole hell of a lot better than McCain and Clinton have been. At the end of this post you will find the full text of what was supposed to be a closed fundraiser dinner.

My father, who is neither a democrat nor an Obama or Clinton supporter, has put it more eloquently than I have been able to. We talk often about the political state of the country we both cherish so much, and even his hardcore conservative republican roots whither before what is represented by these three opponents; you are either for change, or not. With Clinton and McCain, a vote for either of them is a vote for old money and an established way of doing things. In this modern era the average American understands this as merely giving lip service to those you want votes from. That is the Clinton and McCain legacy; we’ve done it like this for so long, why change? Obama on the other hand, represents change and a new way of doing and thinking within this republic for which he wants to stand.

Clinton and McCain both (with a surprising amount of similarity in their responses) said that Obama is out of touch with the average American. Are these two stoned? Are they so wrapped up in their own elitist dogma that they actually think they know what an average american goes through? Clinton paid her own brand of lip service to Pennsylvanians when she said she met “people who are resilient, optimist positive who are rolling up their sleeves.” This reeks of Republican pull yourself up by your own bootstraps rhetoric, and makes me sick to hear it from a Democrat I once supported. McCain called his comments elitist condescension, or rather an aide did, because it seems like McCain wants to be able to distance himself from sounding like the Republican hypocrite he really is.

We have to admit there is a problem before we can even begin to fix it. It’s time to talk and I think the Obama camp said it best in their press release regarding Clinton’s and McCain’s statements.

Senator Obama has said many times in this campaign that Americans are understandably upset with their leaders in Washington for saying anything to win elections while failing to stand up to the special interests and fight for an economic agenda that will bring jobs and opportunity back to struggling communities,” said Obama spokesman Tommy Vietor.

“And if John McCain wants a debate about who’s out of touch with the American people, we can start by talking about the tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans that he once said offended his conscience but now wants to make permanent.” (taken from this post)

What follows is the full text of the speech Senator Obama gave that started this. You can listen to it at this website.

“So, it depends on where you are, but I think it’s fair to say that the places where we are going to have to do the most work are the places where people feel most cynical about government. The people are mis-appre…I think they’re misunderstanding why the demographics in our, in this contest have broken out as they are. Because everybody just ascribes it to ‘white working-class don’t wanna work — don’t wanna vote for the black guy.’ That’s…there were intimations of that in an article in the Sunday New York Times today - kind of implies that it’s sort of a race thing.

Here’s how it is: in a lot of these communities in big industrial states like Ohio and Pennsylvania, people have been beaten down so long, and they feel so betrayed by government, and when they hear a pitch that is premised on not being cynical about government, then a part of them just doesn’t buy it. And when it’s delivered by — it’s true that when it’s delivered by a 46-year-old black man named Barack Obama (laugher), then that adds another layer of skepticism (laughter).

But — so the questions you’re most likely to get about me, ‘Well, what is this guy going to do for me? What’s the concrete thing?’ What they wanna hear is — so, we’ll give you talking points about what we’re proposing — close tax loopholes, roll back, you know, the tax cuts for the top 1 percent. Obama’s gonna give tax breaks to middle-class folks and we’re gonna provide health care for every American. So we’ll go down a series of talking points.

But the truth is, is that, our challenge is to get people persuaded that we can make progress when there’s not evidence of that in their daily lives. You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

Um, now these are in some communities, you know. I think what you’ll find is, is that people of every background — there are gonna be a mix of people, you can go in the toughest neighborhoods, you know working-class lunch-pail folks, you’ll find Obama enthusiasts. And you can go into places where you think I’d be very strong and people will just be skeptical. The important thing is that you show up and you’re doing what you’re doing.”

It has been a while since my last post. I’ve been busy with school and frankly I had nothing to write about. I had meant to do some blogging while attended the Midwest Sociological Society’s annual conference the weekend of March 28th, but the hotel did not have free wifi and I refused to pay $10 per day to use what they had. It was the best time I’ve had in years.

I’ve gone to a couple of conferences before for the Student Government Association when I attended O.T.C., so the general format I was prepared for. It’s quite simple; people present their research for review to an audience. Sometimes it is under the umbrella of a theme and other times it stands by itself. What I was not prepared for was how open and willing to talk to me everyone was. It was an atmosphere thick with legitimately intelligent people who wanted to talk to other intelligent people about their passion. I was like a kid in a candy store. I talked to as many people as would talk to me and I had such great fun.

The highlight of the conference for me was twofold. First I attended a session titled: Research in American Indian Communities. First, a woman by the name of Susanna Carlson presented her paper about how “agents of the law have interacted with Native Americans in reproducing identity,” then Mrs. Carlene Sipma-Dysico presented research on “education and the juvenile system in South Dakota’s Indian country,” and finally, Dr M. Kayt Sunwood presented research on “culturally responsive curriculum in Alaska native schools and communities.” Fucking brilliant from beginning to end. This session just hit home for me and refocused my attentions. Ms. Carlson started discussing a historical view of how the image of the Indian has been formed through a semi-symbiotic relationship with authority, and then Mrs. Sipma-Dysico began speaking of how Indian children in public schools are treated with institutionalized racism and are being groomed into the Indians the whites want them to be, and finally Dr. Sunwood brought it all together by presenting the research she co-authored in Alaska about using Native cultural icons to help teach children the basic units of school. Take note that none of these women had planned this or collaborated on what they were going to present or how it was going to be presented; in fact there were supposed to be five presenters and two never showed up. But there it was: from the historical roots of the modern Indian as created by white dominance to the tree of institutionalized racist policies that grew from them and ending with research that showed a more than promising solution to the problem! Just writing it down almost two weeks after the fact gives me goosebumps. It was a very moving experience, but the second, and ultimate, highlight came when I was able to talk to one of the presenters from that session several hours later.

I went to another session, the last round of them that day, and saw Mrs. Sipma-Dysico walk in and sit in the back. The last presenter to this session had shown up late and had just started to talk when I saw Mrs. Sipma-Dysico head for the door. I knew seeing her was providence and so I excused myself from my companion and bolted after her. What followed was the most fascinating conversation I have ever had with another human being. I had wanted to talk to her about an idea for a paper I was working on to present next year, and since it was on the image of the Indian I thought she would be an invaluable source of information. Not only did we talk about my paper but we talked about everything else you aren’t supposed to talk about with a stranger: religion, sex, and politics. It was the best three hours of my life. Yeah, we sat outside the conference room on a rather uncomfortable bench for three hours laughing and talking about everything. My only regret was I never had a chance to see her again before my group had to leave.

More than ever I am confident in my choice to go on to grad school. I’m looking forward to the summer intersession when I am going to drive to the west coast to step foot on some of the schools I’m courting for my masters degree. The first week of June I’m going to Washington State University in Pullman, the University of Oregon in Eugene, and then Colorado State University in Fort Collins. It’s going to take me about 5 days of driving time and I’m giving myself around 7-ish just to account for whatever might happen. I’m really looking forward to it as the farthest west I’ve been is Salina, Kansas.

This is the route I’m planning on taking:


View Larger Map

Eventually I will be able to append Dr. to my name. This makes me giggle internally because even if it takes me the maximum time, about 7 years, I will still get the degree before my ex-girlfriend does. I know that is horrible, and it isn’t the reason I’m going for the degree, but it will give me a small sense of satisfaction when I get to mail her letterhead from the institution I’m teaching at with Dr. appended to my name in the salutation. It is the small things in life that make me happy.

Fear

No matter if you’re running: out in the open air, on a treadmill, on an elliptical machine, or on any other kind of exercise equipment for long distances; eventually your body just takes over and your brain is given free reign to do whatever it wants. Sometimes I will go over sociological theory by reciting the tenets of different theorists. Sometimes I will try to solidify my own theses by going point-counterpoint and picking it apart piece by piece (it sometimes helps to clarify where I need to do more research). Although on some occasions memories will wash over me with such force it seems as if they just happened minutes ago. One such recall happened this evening.

I was nearly 45 minutes into my elliptical endeavors when one of the handful of last conversations my ex and I had strolled past my vision. We were arguing, as we were wont to do, and I remember clear as day she said to me “You’re problem is you’re afraid of success. You’re comfortable where you are and if you change it will mean encountering something you’ve never had to deal with before. You are overweight not because you can’t do something about it, but because you won’t do something about it. You constantly make excuses about why you can’t do something. You find comfort in failure because it is what everyone expects out of you.”

I was stunned but of course I retorted with a vehement denial of everything she said. I was not ready to hear it at the time. I think tonight I was. As much as I loathe to admit it, she was right. (I hope someday the vapid self-centered bitch who’s face is not worth sunburning reads this and gets one last laugh out of me) I’ve made great strides since we parted company and fallen a good distance too.

I am afraid. It is and has always been fear that governed my life. At the heart of everything I am afraid of three things: success, failure, and death. As confusing as it may seem, yes we can be afraid of both success and failure at the same time. Humans always seek balance; we don’t want things too hot or too cold, nor do we want to eat too much or to starve. I understand part of me is still making excuses when I say “I don’t know how to take risks.” I know that is not entirely true and that if I just start I will eventually learn how. The twins rejection and failure are not the end of the world to a sociologist from the mid west.

I think the biggest difference between then and now is that I know I can fall. It isn’t the end of the world and it will not preclude me from succeeding later. I went through my childhood at less than mediocre because while I was taunted and bullied, I never did anything to stop it since I found a small amount of comfort in going home and crying to mom. It felt good to get that kind of attention so I never stopped. I don’t believe it was a conscious decision, but it was a decision nonetheless. Even now when I’m almost 30 I refrain from standing up to someone who triggers the bully alarm. It kills me because I know I’m better than that. It isn’t failure because I didn’t try, but it isn’t success either; I’ve achieved balance. I don’t like that kind of balance anymore. I am smart, and witty, and well above average in the brains department.

So yes, I am afraid. Am I going to continue allowing this fear to rule me? I can’t say for sure. I don’t want it to, and I can recognize when it begins to fill my head with poison, but is that enough of an anti-venom. Is admitting you have a problem really the first step to conquering it?

Hello, my name is James and I’m an Atychiphobian.

The plan pt 2

I have been working on “the plan” for a while now. I’ve looked through several books listing colleges with sociology departments and what they specialize in. I’ve talked to the two people in the behavioral sciences department at my school who are actually sociologists multiple times. I’ve talked to friends, family, other students, and other teachers. They all applaud me for my initiative to start the search now rather than next semester.

I’ve narrowed it down to eight schools:

Notice that I included a couple of schools that are off the deep end. Namely Harvard and University of London-Birkbeck. I included Harvard out of a lark; they have a good sociology department and are doing some really neat research in the subjects I’m interested in, but that ivory tower is near impenetrable for a poor midwestern kid without 4.1 gpa and tons of money to throw around. I’m going to submit an application and send all the required stuff, but if I get offered an assistantship at some place like that I’ll have kittens on the spot.

Now the Birkbeck school, I would probably perform lewd sexual acts on the cheap and on command in order to get offered an assistantship. That school is pretty much in the center of where sociology is moving to academically. Plus its in another freaking country and how cool would that be to basically get paid to live in London for 4+ years?

Realistically though I’m leaning towards University of Oregon. The west coast of the U.S. is a hotbed of progressive political thought and that instills an intrigue within that rivals Curious George’s innate inquisitiveness.

What concerns me though, beyond the ability to pay for it all, beyond the several metric tons of writing and research I will have to do (I’m excited to do statistical quantitative research - according to my colleagues I’m insane), and beyond moving away for upwards of 5 to 6 years; I have only a very vague idea as to what I want to study. I have to narrow my interest down somehow to a quantitative topic or thesis statement before the end of summer.

This is the glitch in the plan so far. Plus I need to actually go visit these places before I submit an application to see if I actually could see myself living there for several years.

I’m currently planning a trip around the first week of June to head out west. I’m planning on visiting University of Oregon and Colorado State by taking a little over a week off and driving out there. Perhaps even by myself. I may even include Washington State University just for kicks since they have a pretty awesome sociology department too and one of my instructors will be out there for his tribe’s celebration marking the signing of it’s treaty.

I’m excited to be on the path. There is a certain calming effect that comes with knowing exactly what you want to do in life. Now I just need to stop talking about it and do it.

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